I'm going to be 30?

Written by Elaina R. Bergamini

Saturday, 07 January 2006

As my 30th (gasp) birthday approaches, I am required by nature and personality to reflect on my life thus far- a reflection on my life’s project plan and accounting for the milestones. 3 decades is a milestone. I’m trying to remember what my expectations were for my life to this point. I have trouble remembering more than I wished I was magical and/or royalty, preferably both- the imagination and naiveté of a child. There was a smattering of “I want to be a concert pianist”, but I was too involved in my novels to consider anything beyond that… all the way over to practicality. I thought I would get my bachelor’s degree (which I did). I thought that I would be married (which I am). I thought that I would have children (which I don’t- interesting topic on it’s own- 30 seemed old when I was young, now that I’m here, I feel too young.) Happily settled into my career, concerts by night and royalty by day, witch by night? Well, not everyone has the energy to make such unattainable dreams come true, although I am still hoping that my latent magical powers will surface. Unsuccessful in my attempt to remember what I was supposed to have done by now, I switch to birthdays. I remember the birthday that my friends and I went sledding on the stream behind our house. And the year that my friend broke the kitchen light when we were trying to break the piñata. And the family celebrations that we had with my great-grandmother. Her birthday was three days after mine. And the birthday that I wore the pink dress that she made me with the little pink hearts that swirled like Marilyn Monroe’s (although I didn’t know it at the time). I started blocking birthdays out of memory after about my 15th or 16th. I heard a segment on NPR that a person perceives that half of their life is over by the time they are 22 years old. Time goes slower when you’re younger, which means that half of my life has been over for several years. I missed my Over-the-hill party. The digital clock on our stove does not keep time well because of our off-grid system- something about imperfect sine-waves. As a cruel reminder of the inexorable creep of time, the clock creeps forward faster than actual time, a harsh reminder that the time in my life now does the same- creeps forward faster than it should. Even if it is true that half of my life is over in perception or reality, I have exceeded my expectations. I don’t think I had the capacity to imagine a life such as the one with which I have been blessed. Sure, I’ve made mistakes, but wonderful things have happened to me as well. I happened upon a company whose stock went through the roof shortly after I joined, which allowed me to buy a house in the city. I happened to meet a wonderful man who makes me more than twice the person that I can be on my own and supports me in everything I do. Our house in the city allowed us to buy a vacation home. We happened upon a piece of heaven in the country. My husband happened to find a job near our country home. And here I am. I have been truly fortunate- perhaps, just dumb luck. And so, at 30 years old, I may not actually be a princess, or a witch with magical powers, or even a professional pianist, but as I sit in my house in the woods with the snow swirling in front of the windows, I imagine that I am actually in a fairy tale, in a castle, trapped in a snowglobe, with my knight in a shining Subaru on his way to save me. Turns out, I may not have been so naïve after all. And now for the power to levitate… Perhaps by 40?

Last Updated ( Saturday, 07 January 2006 )

 

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